I love the new Australian Christian Lobby logo. For once they’ve been totally honest.
SHELTON: Damn that Michael Barnett. He’s posted our home address on Twitter. Again. I’m calling the police.
BOMB SQUAD: Hello, Bomb Squad. How can we help?
SHELTON: Oh shit. Wrong speed-dial.
BOMB SQUAD: Is that you Shelton? We have an AVO on you. Don’t call us again!
EMERGENCY 000: Police, Ambulance, Fire. How may we direct your call?
SHELTON: I need the police.
EMERGENCY 000: What city or town are you calling from?
SHELTON: Capital Hill. It’s where I live. You should know, it’s the backdrop on all my social media feeds!
EMERGENCY 000: Connecting… Police…
POLICE: What is the nature of the emergency?
SHELTON: They’re destroying my marriage. Those homosexuals are tearing down the social fabric of my marriage and making my sexuality a laughing-stock.
POLICE: Is this an emergency? You’re rambling incoherently about your marriage.
SHELTON: Yes, yes, it’s a damn emergency. They’ve put my family at risk of Muslim glitter-bombers.
POLICE: What exactly is the emergency?
SHELTON: My home address is on the Internet. It’s on Twitter. It’s been blogged. I’m trending, and not in a good way.
POLICE: Someone has posted your private home address on the Internet?
SHELTON: Yes, that’s correct. My home address is on the Internet.
POLICE: And how exactly did they get your home address? Are you listed on the Electoral Roll? In the phone book? On a public toilet wall? Did someone steal Cory Bernardi’s Little Black Book?
SHELTON: No, they accessed the ASIC register and put that online. It’s outrageous!!!!
POLICE: Your home address was listed on the ASIC register?
SHELTON: Yes, that’s correct. I made a fuss about my home address being in an extract they posted to their blog and then they posted the section with my address on Twitter.
POLICE: You do know that the ASIC register is open to the public?
SHELTON: Yes, of course, it’s a public register. It says so on their website.
POLICE: And you’re calling in an emergency because you’re concerned people will find out where you live because your home address is listed on a public register?
SHELTON: Yes, I am.
POLICE: Sir, you have the wrong number. Connecting you to Ambulance.
Rabbi Dr Shimon Cowen says he’s sorry for the little gay boys and girls who are bashed on a daily basis at school, enduring routine taunts of “poof” and “dyke”. However he knows that it’s more important that little Jewish boys and girls are protected and has cleared his conscience for suggesting that programs like the Safe Schools Coalition Victoria be disbanded, with the funding diverted to the needy Jewish community, with poor funding options and barely adequate safety at their schools.
Cowen’s pièce de résistance from his research is the finding that the problem of homosexual bullying will eventually go away because, he says, if the gay boys and girls are bullied sufficently, they’ll eventually kill themselves due to self-loathing and depression. He sees this as a win-win situation.
[This article was first published in 2012 however in correcting a broken link it has has somehow acquired a publication date of 2014]
The Jewish Community Council of Victoria is trying to convince people they’re against homophobia. Yet they take bucket-loads of money from numerous member organisations that are deeply intolerant of homosexuality.
Here’s my response to their GLBTI Statement from Nina Bassat AM. Click on the image to enlarge.
The Onion shows us what really goes on in heaven. Sadly Mohummad misses out on a piece of the action.
(Kudos to BG for bringing this story to my attention)
Christian lobby calls for gays in plain packaging
September 6, 2012 – 8:50PM
Paul Oisborne And Lisa Martian
The Australian Christian Lobby (ACL) says that homosexuals should cover themselves up in plain clothing to discourage young people from taking up same-sex behaviour.
ACL spokesman, Mr Jim Wallace, has defended his comments from earlier this week in which he said homosexuality was more dangerous than smoking, adding that “plain packaging should now apply to same-sex couples just as it does to cigarettes”.
“Many homosexuals wear alluring, bright and attractive clothes which some impressionable young people might be attracted to,” Mr Wallace said.
“Under the circumstances, I think a sensible health approach is for gays to cover themselves up in plain ways so as not to be a temptation.”
When asked if gays should simply wear burkas, Mr Wallace said he did not approve of full Islamic dress for homosexuals, unless they were in fact Muslim, but which he admitted would be unlikely.
“Look, all I’m saying is that cigarettes kill people and so do homosexuals. But I am not homophobic.”
Prime Minister Julia Gillard on Thursday withdrew from speaking at the ACL conference in Canberra on October 5 and 6, citing “offensive” comments about homosexuality made by Jim Wallace.
Ms Gillard had originally said that attending the conference did not mean that she endorsed all of the views being presented.
“I speak to many organisations around Australia and sometimes I support their views and sometimes I don’t, but I can never know which views I support and which I don’t until I am informed by Mr Joe de Bruyn,” she said.
Rainbow Labor, the GLBT support group within the ALP, immediately rushed to issue a media release congratulating Ms Gillard on withdrawing from the conference organised by the Religious Right.
When asked why the group did not condemn Ms Gillard for giving legitimacy to the ACL and its conference by agreeing to attend in the first place, Rainbow Labor spokesperson, Mr Con Distraction, said “oh look, there’s an aeroplane!”
In the lead up to the 2013 Australian federal election two prominent organisations in Australia’s Orthodox Jewish community have joined up to create a new religious force in Australia’s political sphere. After extensive consultation and introspection the Organisation of Rabbis of Australasia (ORA) and Kosher Australia (KA) have teamed up to form the Kosher Rabbis of Australia Party.
The party platform is founded on the complete kosherification of Australia, from the perspective of the Orthodox interpretation of Jewish law. At present Kosher Australia provides certification for products that are acceptable under Jewish dietary laws (kashrut). However should the party win a seat in government it will propose legislation to have all food and drinks labelled “Kosher”, “Mostly Kosher” or “Non Kosher (but we’ll certify kosher for an additional fee)“. The level of certification will be based on a sliding scale of fees. Halal certification will be permitted but only under the revised name “Kosher Halal”, and of course will be subject to an additional “co-Semitic” fee.
The party also proposes legislation to counter any form of activity that falls outside that acceptable to its strict Orthodox Jewish standards. This would include a ban on both trading and driving over the Jewish Sabbath and Jewish holy days, converting churches, mosques and other non-Jewish prayer halls into up-market residential developments, cancelling Christmas and Easter, making the sale of pig meat illegal, compulsory circumcision for all boys, modest attire for women, banning masturbation, strict alignment with Catholic clergy child-abuse cover-up tactics, and enforcing a no-sex before marriage policy (with a special emphasis of the latter being a pre-requisite for all members of parliament from the Prime Minister’s office down).
The ethos of the party demands a culture free of hypocrisy in Orthodox Judaism. It feels that if it is compelled to decry the legalisation of marriage between perverted couplings of homosexuals (and lesbians), it must also decry all activities in society that come in conflict with its unforgiving religious dogma. Party head (and Chef de Douche) Rabbi Moshe Gutnick, together with party Campaign and Propaganda Manager Rabbi Chaim Ingram, say there’s no room for double standards when it comes to interfering in the lives of Australian citizens and in particular vulnerable minority groups.
Look out for a complete list of candidates and policies on the party’s web site http://www.krap.org.au, soon to be launched. And remember the campaign slogan: “Making our Australia more Kosher for you, one snip at a time”.