Killing two faygels with one stone

Feb 28, 2011

I find going to the gym really rewarding.  Tonight it was especially so because not only did I get to perve on some ultra-hot guys but I had a flash of inspiration, some might say it was divinely inspired, while I was pedalling away on the exercise bike.

There are a couple of issues that seem to be on the agenda about the offices of the Jewish Community Council of Victoria.  One is how to deal with the problem of “alcohol abuse issues affecting Victoria’s Jewish youth”1.  The other is that the JCCV and Rabbi Rapoport fear that if the GLBT community become members of the JCCV “this would fracture the Jewish community”2.

I have worked out a really simple solution to both of these problems.  It’s simplicity floored me, and I’m sure you’ll feel similarly impressed.

Oh, I just remembered, there’s a third benefit that will come from this.  A reduction in child abuse.  You get three for the price of one.  Such a mitzia!

The answer to the million dollar question?  Stop circumcising boys.  How simple is that?

You want to know my logic?  Well, when a Jewish boy is born, he is circumcised, usually when he’s 8 days old.  The mohel (the man who does the snip), according to some ancient Jewish customs3:

takes some wine in his mouth and applies his lips to the part involved in the operation, and exerts suction, after which he expels the mixture of wine and blood into a receptacle provided for the purpose. This procedure is repeated several times, and completes the operation, except as to the control of the bleeding and the dressing of the wound.

What happens here is the infant gets a feel for a man’s mouth around his penis, and this is impressed into his brain.  Some baby boys, the more intelligent (and better looking) ones, remember this sensation as they go through puberty, and rekindle the desire to have a man’s mouth around their penis.  This leads to their desire to grow up to be gay.

Other baby boys will, similarly, retain the taste of the alcohol and again, later on in their youth, will develop an obsession for more of the substance.  This leads to the problem of alcohol abuse.

By stopping this cruel practice, we can effectively stop homosexuality, youth alcohol abuse and as a bonus, reduce the incidence of paedophilia.

It’s really quite amazing.  Three remarkable outcomes from one simple action.

I’m so clever.

1Parents and Alcohol, Educating our Youth

2JCCV, GLBT and Halacha, together We Can Move Forward

3Circumcision, Talmud Style


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